Throwing it All Away

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Where from here

Further convo (I know, I know) have confirmed, at least in my mind, that someone has given up the panties already.  Sooo, I would be even more of a smock to try and salvage anything.  I don’t know what her objective is.  she is like “I want to be in the present.  Nothing romantic right now.”  As soon as I asked, if that for everyone or just me.  Are you suggesting that you be friendly with me on occassional dates, but you’re gonna be romantic with this other dude?

“Her response. “That is a personal question.”  It took a moment to take the knife out my heart while on the phone, but I did go there, so self-inflicted.  And so again, I reiterate from my last post.   A waste, and a shame.  And all that stuff.  Know this.  And I promised myself this long ago, and I was able to make this promise, because I know how I am in regard to her, and how I feel about certain things.  I could never be just friends with her,  and I could never go back to her if she slept with someone else.  I have all indications on both.  Now I just have to learn how to be alone in my head, heart, and future without her, her family, or the family we talked about having. GOD…just saying that brings tears.  I’ve got to man up.   I don’t think it was not supposed to be, but sometimes I guess people lose sight of what they believe.  Why she insists on being friends, I don’t know.  Is she that selfish that she needs me around, but not to screw and to love, but to watch her to that with someone else.

OH HELL I DON’T KNOW JACK SHIT ANY MORE.  I’M JUST A SEA OF TEARS, ON THE LANET OF PAIN.  I, I aww hell here I go again.

Someone tell me how to make it go away.  I don’t care how.  Just take it away.

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