The words of friends

Do ever have a friend that you love, until they point out something ironic, and then you want to smack them. 

My other best friend repeats something he told me I had forgotten.  “You know if you had not proposed, you’d probably be still together.  There would not have been that added pressure that probably freaked her out, and pushed her to this decision, and the the typical path of now having to justify it to herself, family, friends, and everyone else who knows you as a couple.”  I mean, Joe, you just don’t leave what you had without having to explain it, and needing a real good reason, or in her case a reason you cannot argue with.  How can you argue against “my heart told me its not the right thing.”  Her support base will not, cannot, talk negatively about that.  I think its b.s., but people get to change their minds for good and bad reasons.  next time don’t propose.”

If  he was here I strangle him.

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Stuck in my crawl

I can tell by my reaction today that the line, “Something is missing in you”  is gonna stick in my crawl for a good while. 

Maybe I should not dwell or think about it.  But how can you not, when someone tells you that?  I can’t help wondering what could possibly be missing in me as a mate?  I ask myself, in the context of a relationship was there something I was not doing?  Would not do?  Other than worries about  my career, I cannot think of anything.  And so it ticks me off.  Because it probably this nebulous thing that really does not exists. But of course you can’t argue about it.  How do you really show someone thier gut or whatever ain’t doing what they say it is.  You can’t! 

I had a friend a few years back I went to thier wedding.  I knew her previous boyfriend of 5 yrs.  A day before the wedding I made her upset (I didn’t mean to, honestly) cause she was talking her groom to be and all his traits, his personality, and I was like, umm he sounds like so-and-so.  She insisted they were different.  I asked how, and she says she just knows.  By this time I had had chance to be around him, and I really didn’t see a difference really. and well from the point on she was mad at me the rest of the day.  I don’tthink there was anythingwrong with her last BF, though there may have been something wrong with her.

It just hurts, and pisses me off, and makes little sense to me.

Maybe that’s the lesson.  Stay the hell away from illogical fools.

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Five things

I was planning on asking this, but Her Side hasmade me do itsoone than I wanted too ask. 

What do I do now.  I mean what I’m asking can you each give me 5 things to do that will help get pass the wave of anger and pain on a day to day basis.  Though one thing i cannot do is go out and try to pick up women.  I’m not good at it , and get annoyed at the process when I’m happy.  Right now the women on this board and a couple of friends are the only reasons, I’m not back to hating women right now.  So picking up women is not gonna work.  But please indulge me.

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I’m so sick

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Too Much to Ask

Is it too much to ask or expect that if something is “missing” that you don’t accept the proposal.

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Cry baby Cry

I’m gonna cry my tears.  I’m gonna admit to myself and God, it hurts to hear her say I’m not good enough.  I’m gonna ball my eyes out.  I’m gonna get drunk, and wither like a baby.  I’m gonna do it hard, and maybe long.  Cry, cry, cry my little fucking eyes out.  I may even curse the Lord.

And then I’m going to get up, get to work, AND MAKE HER REGRET HER MISTAKE!  I’ll show her who’s missing what.  Goddamn it, I’m not missing any fucking thing. except my heart.

I’m taking it back.

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let’s be friends

I hope one day we will be able to communicate as friends.

In what way does this benefit me?  If I’m missing some elusive personality trait that is vital, why would I need to be just a friend.  if something that important is missing, then I think I would make a poor friend.  I mean you’re leaving because something is wrong with me right?  I swear, lighting bolts should come down and smite anyone AND EVERYONE who utters that damn line.  The longer the relationship the bigger the lighting bolt.  I just want to hit some shit right now.  I can take many things, except illogical and nonsensical reasons.  And what makes it stupid?  is it because she just does not want me anymore?  No! I have plenty of fine ass friends that never wanted me, does not mean I think their stupid.  No, its because if i was just friend material we should not have gone out to begin with.  Her gut would not have told her, you need to marry this guy.  Jesus, there is nothing new she learned in the last 9 months, that she did not know for the last FUCKING THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!Where do people come up with this nonsense.  I know I’m not the only one.  I mean really.  The only, the only oh God the only that has changed is I lost my mother.  And I handled that quite well.  And to think that the woman that was with me the moment my mother died, will not be in my life.  How do I live with that.  How do I be friends and watch her move on with guys that are not better. What am I suppossed to do?  Be friends and go to her fucking wedding in 4 yrs, and hear her say the same crap to someone else that she said to me.

No, goddamn it.  It’s all bullshit.  I was better off not knowing or dating her.  May she get what she’s giving out.

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I hope

She gets what she deserves, with this pure emotional BS.  One thing I know for sure.  Nothing will get you fucked over like listening to your emotions when all other evidence is to the contrary.  Translation, she will meet someone that has none of the “paper traits” but feels in her heart is the right one, then get dissed.  I’ve seen this shie with my female friends so often.  Except I hope it happens to her  a thousand times over.

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Time Wasted

Yes, it was a waste.  At least the last 5 yrs were of the 7.  The ring an obvious waste.  So her gut tells her something in me is missing.  If that’s true, wasn’t it always there.  Wasn’t it always missing?  I mean I have not changed in values and beliefs over the last 7yrs for the worst?  If I’m missing something it wasn’t there to begin with.  SO WHY FUCKING SAY YES!  Why tell me I’m the goddamn one.  She makes it seem like i came up with this bullshit on my own.  like I woke up one day, and declared Tina thinks I’m the one.  She knows in her gut.  jesus christ almighty.  Why couldn’t fucking gut tell her that before I proposed and spent 4 grand on a ring.  Why the hell did she tell her parents I was a blessing to her?  OH MY GOD!

it seems as if either something is wrong with me. [I love how she says, I’m missing something, and then says you’re perfect the way you are??????????????????]

or I was a crazy loon for believing we were supposed to be together.  If something fundamental is wrong with me, then it had to be from the beginning.  Where was her gut then?  I don’t know whether to be pissed or depressed.  I keep hopping back from one to the other.  Depressed because she is saying, I’m not good enough.  I don’t believe that is true, but it still hurts to hear her say, think, and feel that way.  You’ve got everything except…..  Angry because I can’t believe she thinks dating without expectations or pressure is the same as hanging while she dates other guys.  If she was just hanging with all of us that would be different.  FUCK! What could I possibly not have…I swear I bet she ends up marrying some dude that is just like fucking me, just a different name and face.  Bullshit.  it’s all bullshit.

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