I awoke this morning thinking about the nature of love, and realized something. I’m destined to be alone. And not because I can’t find someone. I can, well could if I wanted. And not because of being still bothered by Tina out of my life as if we never met. No. I realized that if I was going to have someone who would at least attempt to be in my life for the rest of my life, I would have it already. I could try all I want, but in the end it would fall apart.
Why? I think it’s because my view of love and committment is not shared by anyone else. See, my view has always been, if you love someone really, then you want to be with that person. It does not matter if there is someone better, or richer, or prettier. They are not that person, so it does not matter. That’s why this idea of oh just find someone better than Tina, does little to motivate me. They are not Tina, and Tina is who I wanted. Doesn’t matter if I find someone better looking, or whatever. I have not met anyone with that view. So maybe my view is incorrect. Normally, I’d be willing to alter my thoughts or views in a situation like this. That’s what I’ve always done before. But not this time. No, because that’s what I want. Someone that would not leave me ever because anyone else would NOT. BE. ME!
Unrealistic?? I don’t know, but that’s what I want and I obviously never had that with Tina as evidenced by the present sucky life I have. And in the time since the break up, my talks with people both in person and on the web leaves me to believe that people just act like the other person is disposable. Just move on, and you will find someone better. You’ll see. Really?? Cause I would love to know what Tina’s new BF doesthat makes her sooo damn happy that she did not have already. Problem is I already know answer. Nothing. So techincally she should be unhappy and miserable. The fact that is not, only means she threw away 7 for nothing. I see this with other friends of mine in the past as well. Maybe thats a survival technique. Convince yourself that the next one will be the one, and so much better, and so much happier. It’s so true that our divorce rate is low as hell….
Oh wait that’s not true. it’s like 50%. How did that happen? I dont know but I suspect its from people making decisions like Tina did, or from people like me, who weren’t smart enough to stop ahead of time.
You need te believe that “the next one”, using your words, – if there ‘ll ever be – is worth trying and fighting for. And as always, none of the relationships are just happy, and sad.
I guess, people are feeling a wide palette of feelings, emotions, often ones that are contradictory, and quite in the same time. Maybe about the same person and situation.
I don’t really understand the system of the human nature using the frameworks of logics. But I’m rather convinced, no one can do that.
The fact that you think you did most of the things right shows that you have not quite reached that level of wisdom to realize your own borders and barriers. Your story is sad, but very average in the means of what had happened. Average regarding the situation, and regarding you and her. We all have these to live. And we all suffer.
I believe we have a subjective vision of the world, and every other person have an other filter before their eyes. So basically we can never experience the same thing and know what the other does. This, in my opinion, is the very essence of deteriorating relationships.
I feel from my experience that this is easy to read, hard to understand, and nearly impossible to live without losing the faith in the beauty of love and commitment.
Joe,
I see your point, and feel your pain.
It has been six months since my ex ended a 2.5 years relationship over email. Because besides being my partner, he was my best friend; I love him more than I can dream loving anyone else. I still cry every day, and most people tell me the same thing: ” You will find a good man”, “He is not worth it…” To me he is not as disposable as others make him to be.
I stopped talking to him, and I began to avoid all those who would bring me news of him. I don’t want to know what happens in his new life. It hurts me to know that he thinks I am disposable!!! Yet my heart knows: it wasn’t about me… I know that, whatever relationship he gets in next, he will be happy for a bit, but then he will feel the same ambivalence that drove him to leave me; and depending where he in his life, he will either choose to stay or leave….He just didn’t want to marry me; his feelings were not strong.
So that is what hurts me the most that I thought he was the right one, now how can I trust my senses?
Nany