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Archive for the ‘Why it would not have worked’ Category

 

111px-red_flag_waving_svg“Eliminate all other possibilities and what remains, however improbable, is the Truth.”
                                                                                                                              Sherlock Holmes

      It is hard to admit when you’ve made a mistake; especially in a relationship.  Doing so means confronting the feeling and very real possibility that you are in some small way responsible for the pain you are experiencing.  it also means moving more into the realm of realizing that you will not be with that person ever again.  because once you see it as a mistake, only foolishness allows you to go back.  Yes, some do make it back and make it work, but in this time of pain, recovery only comes from embracing what is probable, not what is possible.  And so in that spirit I start what I have been avoiding.  Confronting thered flags in my relationship that could have been signs that all was not well.  Things I expected to talk about in pre-marital counseling, that may have been clues that IN FACT I did not have the right person.

Red Flag 6

It is hard for me to really explain this particular red flag, but its one that a lot of people have, and for ears was one that defined men.  That’s the importance of “The Career.”  Everyone wants a good career.  Women are pushed to excel in their careers, and black women are especially pushed to think career first, man second.  Here’s the problem.  Men have been tunnel focused on the career for-like-ever.  And what we got from it are high heart attack rates, divorces, and kids that either don’t know us or hate us.  My point is that the career the job is important, but its importance should be kept in perspective.

 

Tina did not, and does not quite agree.  If I had to bet, if she was asked what would she do for her career, she would say anything.  We had many discussions about the importance of the job versus the importance of family or a wife or husband.  I believe that if anyone of us is in the hospital on our deathbed, we will not be thinking about the next meeting, sales call, or the promotion we did not get.  We will be thinking about people we love, should have loved, and maybe things we never got around to doing.  I believe in keeping a balance.  Tina believed that you sacrifice.  To her the embodiment of success for a woman is Oprah.  And she would always say that many super successful people say they sacrificed a lot to get that success.  A husband, me, should understand that.   I consider Oprah a great success professionally, but not personally.  She’s not married, has no kids, and still can’t connect to the people in her life.  I know she talks about empowerment, and relationships, but she herself even just admitted that she gained weight because she felt a lack of love in her life.  Oprah???  Doesn’t everyone love Oprah, except conservatives?

 

I love money in the sense of its pursuit and the freedom it affords you.  But I have never and would not give up my friendships or close relationships for it or my career.  If I could be a billionaire like Oprah versus making a 100K a year with a wife and family that love me, and are connected to me, I’ll take the latter all the time.  Unfortunately, the choice is never that simple.  You don’t know if you’re going to be the next Oprah, or if you’re giving up a billion dollars.  All you know is that your son wants you at the game, or Tina knew was that after two weeks of not seeing each other I would come to see her and expect Friday and Saturday to be time spent together. 

 

This did not come up often in the relationship, but it did come up at significant times, and is part of what is going on now, as I’m sure she may be thinking getting married would keep her from her career.  I would look at Tina and say, “look at the Forbes 400 richest people.  They made a great success, but most of the people on that list are divorced; many of them divorced twice.  Most of their kids stay around more because of the money than any relationship with the father or mother.  Is that what you want?”

 

What I could not get her to see is that while I know that her career is important, it is not the most important thing.  And that really, you can have both—if you set up boundaries.  There’s that term again.  What I’ve never understood is why people think that if you work 10-12 hours a day, all week, and then make Sat evening date night with no work and no calls, how is that going to ruin your career? 

 

Or how’s this for a scenario, and its one I proposed to Tina once.  You have the opportunity of a life time, something at work that could leap frog your career.  You’re on the way to the meeting, and then you get a call, your daughter, mother, or me is in the hospital.  What do you do?

 

Tina would counter with an example of a professor of her from college that in addition to teaching is always trying to do film work.  He and his wife do not spend a lot of time together.  But she is very understanding.  I would say, “There’s a difference between being understanding, and just putting up with something.  I’m positive it is the latter.”

 

This was a huge red flag or problem that I knew about (once again) and thought that pre-marital counseling would help.  I figured that if a counselor told her an over emphasis in either direction would be bad that she would understand.  And let me make it clear.  I was never one to think you don’t work hard, or just work 9- to 5.  Sometimes sacrifices need to be made.  But patterns are what I’m afraid of. A pattern of putting your relationship third or fourth in line of importance will doom your relationship at some point guaranteed. . 

 

If you spend all your time working, then the people in your life grow apart from you.  It’s one of many reasons CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies, and actors get divorced so often. They are not around the people they love, and when they are, they are not present.  They are thinking about other stuff.  And if you’re spending all that time at work, and you’re not even the owner of the company its worse, cause they will let you go when they think they need to and all the 60-70 hour works weeks won’t mean a thing.

 

In the last month or so, Tina started reading “Harmonic Wealth” and the author claims that that imbalance is necessary for your career.  I said he was wrong.  And we debated this on and off for a while.  I’m not a big fan of his by the way.  I know I can’t blame him for the break-up, but some of the attitudes she was showing in the last month were certainly attitudes he had in the book.

 

In any case, this could have been an ongoing problem, and may have been an irreconcilable one.  Given Tina’s attitude toward work, not being able to accept the consequences or implications of the choices she does make, and a deep seeded need for ultimate freedom to do what she wants, it would be real easy for me to see a scenario where she would be resentful of me and the kids for taking her away from work.  I could also see her choosing to leave work for the kids for a few years, and then getting angry about doing it.  

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111px-red_flag_waving_svg“Eliminate all other possibilities and what remains, however improbable, is the Truth.”
                                                                                                                              Sherlock Holmes

      It is hard to admit when you’ve made a mistake; especially in a relationship.  Doing so means confronting the feeling and very real possibility that you are in some small way responsible for the pain you are experiencing.  it also means moving more into the realm of realizing that you will not be with that person ever again.  because once you see it as a mistake, only foolishness allows you to go back.  Yes, some do make it back and make it work, but in this time of pain, recovery only comes from embracing what is probable, not what is possible.  And so in that spirit I start what I have been avoiding.  Confronting thered flags in my relationship that could have been signs that all was not well.  Things I expected to talk about in pre-marital counseling, that may have been clues that IN FACT I did not have the right person.

Red Flag #5

I had to bold this one in red, because it may have the most to do with what has happened.  Or at least exacerbated the issues.  That situation is that Tina has a problem making decisions.  Now that I say it, it sounds odd considering she made a decision to leave the relationship.  But even from the moment we met, whenever she had a choice between two things, she would hem and haw.  Most often she would get angry because she felt like she was being pushed into something. 

When we first started dating, she introduced me as a friend.  As we progressed to a level where we were intimate, and she did not want me to date other people, and she was not interested in dating other people, she still wanted to be “friends.” I wanted a relationship, and was sick of being called a friend.  So I told she needed to stop calling me that.  She asked if I was giving her an ultimatum, and I said no.  But we don’t act like friends, so at some point we are going to move in the direction of a relationship or we will slowly peter out.  She obviously went for the relationship, but she could not, even to this day, understand that at some point you do have to make a decision that there are consequences to it.  If you don’t like the consequence of one, then you choose the other, AND THAT IS NOT CONTROL. 

This also showed up with her career.  When she’s had to choose one thing over another, it is always this ordeal.  She wants it all.  Of course, we all do.  But there seemed to be a bit more of a disappointment or anger when she had to make a decision.  She always thought that maybe she was missing out.  I’ve always tried to get her to see that, yes, you are giving up one thing for another, but you use critical thinking skills (in career, finances, etc., harder with relationships, obviously) to make the choice that is gong to be better.  In terms of us, yes she gave up dating other guys, and got in return an incredible man—if I do say so myself.  In one job choice, she got to pursue something she loved versus picking a job that she would have hated even though it was at a company she always wanted to work for.  Very often she would just freeze and not make a decision.

I always thought this was just her wanting it all.  But not critical to our relationship.  But when I think about it, not being able to make a choice and be happy with it, is an obvious problem.  We were about to get married, and she thought about all the things she felt she was going to lose, not gaining.  In a weird way, her issue is looking at the world from a position or rather mind-set of “lack.”  A focus on what she thinks she may los, not what she is gaining.  I find that funny since she is reading all these Laws of Attraction books.

My best friend puts it bluntly. “She lacks critical decision making skills, because she’s never really had to make a hard decision with real consequences.  She went from college back home to mom, and daddy helping pay 85% of her bills.  She not a fully mature adult yet.”

His words, while harsh and true, really are not the point here though.  So all of this is true, but the issue really is not with her.  So that’s how she is, the real question much to my chagrin, and the purpose of these red flags to begin with is my response.  I’ve always known this about her.  Why didn’t I really reflect on what the consequences that this trait could have?  The truth is I brushed it off.  I thought that was one of the areas that I could help her with.  I never thought it would come into play as a possible contribution to us breaking up.  But it has.  Just look at the language.  I call this a break-up, she has not said the words, and would say no it’s a separation.  We may get back together, and we may not.  Now this is totally, basic break-up talk as I’ve found out on my travels on the web.  But still it fits into her perfectly, and to the extent that this is a problem, red flag, call it what you will.  That’s all on me, because I knew this about her all along.  I cannot be surprised that she may have flaked out on me when she thought of getting married, and thought about what she was going to miss out on.

Of course, most single, dating women can tell her she is not missing anything.  But some people insist on learning things the hard way.

 

 

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111px-red_flag_waving_svg“Eliminate all other possibilities and what remains, however improbable, is the Truth.”
                                                                                                                              Sherlock Holmes

      It is hard to admit when you’ve made a mistake; especially in a relationship.  Doing so means confronting the feeling and very real possibility that you are in some small way responsible for the pain you are experiencing.  it also means moving more into the realm of realizing that you will not be with that person ever again.  because once you see it as a mistake, only foolishness allows you to go back.  Yes, some do make it back and make it work, but in this time of pain, recovery only comes from embracing what is probable, not what is possible.  And so in that spirit I start what I have been avoiding.  Confronting thered flags in my relationship that could have been signs that all was not well.  Things I expected to talk about in pre-marital counseling, that may have been clues that IN FACT I did not have the right person.

Red Flag #4

This is  a red flag that I have been reluctant to write about because it is in an area that is packed full of recriminations, misunderstanding, and arguments within nearly all relationships.  It is one that I have to mention though, because it is what nearly made me leave the relationship four years ago.

Sex is an important of any relationship.  Usually, though not always, a healthy, active sex life denotes a strong relationship.  And when sex is infrequent, bad, or absent it shows a problem.  This is compounded because women do not want to feel forced, obligated, or coerced into having sex.  Men, on the other hand, usually get their feeling of connection from sex, and do not want to be turned down, rejected by their own mate, or feel like it is being used as a weapon.

At certain times within our relationship sex fell off completely.  When we would talk about what the problem was, she would always say don’t mention it and it will happen.  Sounds reasonable right?  You don’t want to nag or beg for it.  So what do you say when you don’t nag or beg for it, and six weeks go by?  Tina would often say, “If I don’t want to do it, then you should not want me to do it.”  Now I don’t want my woman sexing me and feeling like she is being forced to or does not want to, but that attitude always struck me as unfair.  I have needs too.  Plus, and I admit to a bit of wrong doing, but I could  get on a high horse because I thought she had it  good. How?  Because most guys want it three or four times a week.  If you drop down to twice a week they complain.  I’m odd for guys cause once a week on average and I’m fine.  I’m not freaking out or anything.  So what is she complaining about was my attitude, I’m not a horn dog.

I don’t expect any woman to be ready on demand.  That’s silly.  But I don’t want to get rejected by my woman.  Once a man feels like he has about as good as chance of getting it from a random woman at a club as he does from his girlfriend there are going to be REAL problems. Many men will cheat.  I did not.  Because I knew the issue for me was not, that I was not having sex, but that I was not having it with the woman I love.  In any case, this was a real problem three years ago, and I kept imagining that I would be married, and in a sexless marriage.  That has always been my ultimate nightmare in a marriage.

What was the problem?  I know it was not me not being willing to set the mood, or um…satisfy her.  Not to be flip, but I’ve read Cosmo I know what women want.  OK, I know you’re screwing your face up, but I’m being flip to make the point that it was not a lack of foreplay or not knowing what she liked.  She would just get into these moods where if she did not want to be intimate I had to wait till she wanted to, not be bothered by it, and if it took 6 months, I ought to be fine with it. 

The issue here of course is fairness, selflessness, and giving.  As I mentioned in other posts at times that was not on her mind it would seem, unless she determined she was in the mood to give, versus giving without asking or to make your partner happy.  When it comes to sex, I doubt very much anyone has the same sex drive or schedule.  If a couple waits only until both are horny, then I think the population would be a third of what it is.  Hmm, that might not be such a bad idea, but I digress.  A man or woman has to be open to idea of sex even though they are not thinking about it at the moment.  If you shut that down, then sex is a problem real fast.  If you’re lucky your mate won’t cheat during this period.  If they are the average person then, they may step out on you.

Ultimately, I decided against leaving the relationship because I thought I was being to emotional.  Hindsight being 20/20, I wonder how my life would be if I had in fact left.  I know I would not be depressed right now.

 

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111px-red_flag_waving_svg“Eliminate all other possibilities and what remains, however improbable, is the Truth.”
                                                                                                                              Sherlock Holmes

      It is hard to admit when you’ve made a mistake; especially in a relationship.  Doing so means confronting the feeling and very real possibility that you are in some small way responsible for the pain you are experiencing.  it also means moving more into the realm of realizing that you will not be with that person ever again.  because once you see it as a mistake, only foolishness allows you to go back.  Yes, some do make it back and make it work, but in this time of pain, recovery only comes from embracing what is probable, not what is possible.  And so in that spirit I start what I have been avoiding.  Confronting thered flags in my relationship that could have been signs that all was not well.  Things I expected to talk about in pre-marital counseling, that may have been clues that IN FACT I did not have the right person.

Red Flag #3

When it comes to the realm of cheating and affairs, I have always believed that if you show me a person that is having an affair there were always signs.  This belief has not always endeared me to my many female friends who have come to me for advice over the years.  I’ve never believed that an affair (as opposed to a cheating 1 night fling) is a complete surprise.  There were signs that something was not right, and the person chose to ignore them.

 

So in my own life there is the possibility that at least an emotional affair may have taken place.  Hindsight being 20/20 I decided I needed to apply my own belief to my own situation.  Unfortunately, because I’m a very observant and self-aware person.  Looking at Tina and I for clues is not something that was very hard.  I saw…things that concerned me, but were not strong indications to me at the time.  As I relate them now, you may have a different opinion; like “WHAT ARE YOU BLIND.” If so, feel free to say so.

 

Let me say though that for at least 6 ½ of the 7 years together I never felt any threats or worries about cheating.  Even in our low times, I did not feel it was going on.  I’m not the super suspicious type or jealous type.  Tina had plenty of male friends, and most I never had a problem, or ever voiced a problem with her talking to them, or occasionally hanging out with them.  After her trip to ATL of course that changed.  Here are the things that pop out to me now.

 

1.  The fact that she went from “I might have brunch with my ex before leaving for home,” to having dinner and going to a club was a serious problem for me.

2. She went to a movie with a guy from her college days.  For a period of about two weeks, she mentioned him a lot, and there were calls and texts in the evening.  He was selling her an IRA account, so I did not say anything about the calls, but we did talk about how uncomfortable I was with the movies.

3. It became hard to reach her at times.  Times we would usually chit-chat, she became ghost.  And then I would get a call later, much later.  This became a pattern.

4. While driving home from a family event with Tina, she mentioned her butt was hurting.  We were arguing that day, and so I commented that maybe she ought to be nice so she could get that checked out.  Her response was, “I’m going to get someone else to do it.”

5. When I surprised her at work for New Year’s Eve at one point she got a call on her cell.  She made it a point to take the call away from the office we were both in.  She never does that, or had not in the past.  At the time it struck me as very odd.

I do not want to give the wrong impression, and paint her as this evil, conniving girl.  The point of this section about red flags is to point at things that I did not give a great deal of credence too, or think was that bad, and may have actually meant more than I thought.  I’m talking about things that I may have needed to examine closer, and were clues that we were in much more serious trouble as a couple than I thought, or things that were clues that my assertion that we were great for each other was wrong.  All of these clues, well most of them, don’t mean anything by themselves.  But now I wonder.

At the time each happened, particularly later when I began to fear that something was going on, I couldn’t do anything about it.  We’ve all seen or heard about the jealous or paranoid girlfriend or boyfriend that believes an affair is going on so fervently that they create a problem when one did not exist.  I had no proof, and so I decided either I’m going to trust her or not.  I had that conscious of a conversation with myself, and knew that if she actually ever did cheat, well I couldn’t say I didn’t suspect.  Looking back, as well as, talking to a number of people that have told me that the intuition knows in these situations, now I have to wonder.

 Short of running into her with her ex, or someone in her office emailing me to tell me about it, I’ll never know.  I could be off base on all of them, or some of them.  It could be that she just was moving away from me emotionally and putting the energy into other things.  I don’t know, and knowing would not make this easier.

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111px-red_flag_waving_svg“Eliminate all other possibilities and what remains, however improbable, is the Truth.”
Sherlock Holmes

It is hard to admit when you’ve made a mistake; especially in a relationship.  Doing so means confronting the feeling and very real possibility that you are in some small way responsible for the pain you are experiencing.  it also means moving more into the realm of realizing that you will not be with that person ever again.  because once you see it as a mistake, only foolishness allows you to go back.  Yes, some do make it back and make it work, but in this time of pain, recovery only comes from embracing what is probable, not what is possible.  And so in that spirit I start what I have been avoiding.  Confronting thered flags in my relationship that could have been signs that all was not well.  Things I expected to talk about in pre-marital counseling, that may have been clues that IN FACT I did not have the right person.

Flag Number #2

One thing that I have consistently told Tina is that she could be self-absorbed at times.  Until recent events I never felt she was selfish.  She can be very giving.  She would do things for you.  She would give her time.  She would offer to cook, or see movies she did not necessarily want to see, etc.  But here is the difference.

She would give when it was convenient for her or she felt like it.  She would consider the feelings or thoughts of another when she decided to, not as a matter of course.  To use a silly example, take going to see a movie.  If I wanted to see an action flick, and she wanted to see it, then we would go.  If she wanted to see a romantic comedy, and we had seen a romantic comedy for 5 weeks in a row, it would never enter her mind that I wanted to see something else.  The thought would be foreign to her.

I would could see this with other things, like travel, or sex, cooking, her time at work.  Perfect example, at one point in the past she had a job that made her travel a good deal.  One trip kept her away for three weeks.  When she got back in town, she promptly walked in the house, ate the dinner I cooked, and then preceded to load her laptop to work.  When I objected, she was flabbergasted.  How could I not understand work was important?  When I countered, work will be there tomorrow, tonight is about us time, she looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.  Two days later, and during the workweek I might add, she was ready to spend time with me.  Now I had work to do, her response, “well we have not seen each other for three weeks, we need some quality time together.”

Now I don’t want to make it seem as if she never did things for me, or was considerate to many times; she was.  But it was always on her timetable.  And when it came to things that make me happy, or my feelings on things, she could not seem to fathom that, “hey what I want matters as well as what you want.”

So why did I miss the flag?  Well in this case I didn’t.  I knew it was a problem, and it was one we worked at, but I underestimated the degree of the problem.  Now she has moved from self-absorption to selfishness in her quest “Do what is right for me,” translated into I want to do what I want too, and the effects on anyone else is not my concern.

This does not work in a marriage. I don’t need to be married to understand that the needs of both partners are of equal importance. That means sometimes both will need to give in at times, or not do something solely because it would hurt or bother the other person. If you take the situation from the 1st red flag, you can see what I mean. It didn’t matter how I felt about her hanging with her ex, and it didn’t matter that she couldn’t find anyone that thought it was an ok idea. She wanted to do it, she felt it was fine, and my feelings didn’t matter. For her, it’s her world and I’m just squirrel trying to get a nut. So when looked more closely some of her behavior is not hat surprising. It would make sense in her world for her to date while we are apart, but to let me know she does not want me to do it.


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111px-red_flag_waving_svg“Eliminate all other possibilities and what remains, however improbable, is the Truth.”
                                                                                                                              Sherlock Holmes

      It is hard to admit when you’ve made a mistake; especially in a relationship.  Doing so means confronting the feeling and very real possibility that you are in some small way responsible for the pain you are experiencing.  it also means moving more into the realm of realizing that you will not be with that person ever again.  because once you see it as a mistake, only foolishness allows you to go back.  Yes, some do make it back and make it work, but in this time of pain, recovery only comes from embracing what is probable, not what is possible.  And so in that spirit I start what I have been avoiding.  Confronting the red flags in my relationship that could have been signs that all was not well.  Things I expected to talk about in pre-marital counseling, that may have been clues that IN FACT I did not have the right person.

Flag #1 No Boundaries

 

The first thing that comes to mind is that Tina had no sense of Boundaries.  In a relationship there are protective “hedges” each person must put in and around themselves in order to protect the relationship, or keep intruders away.

What do I mean?  Tina for instance, did not see the difference between remaining friends with an ex-boyfriend that she loved in college, had slept with, and was still interested in her.  To her, they were friends, and therefore is was the same as if she was a friend with her female companions.  I, of course, felt different and throughout the relationship let my feelings on the subject be known.  In the seven years we were together, there are four separate times I can think of when she has been in ATL, and either saw him for lunch, or in the case of the last time, dinner and a club.

I’ve always been very angry with this, and even at times challenged her to ask her other male friends their opinion about whether I was being unreasonable.  She took that challenge, and they all agreed with me.  No surprise there.  So my point is two-fold, that was a big red flag, and it shows a lack of boundaries.  And it’s just not the ex.

During the fall she started hanging out with some friends from college.  One was a male friend.  No big deal.  Until one weekend I noticed her getting calls and texts sort of late from him, and then they went to the movies.  She had hung out with “true” male friends before, all who I have met, so the idea of hanging out was not the problem.  But this guy was new, recent, and I had never met him.  I objected to that, not as bad as with the ex, but it’s not something you do.  Her response, “I feel like I can’t have friends.”

Now, of course, I can contrast this against a friend of mine that I used to be interested in many years before I met Tina.  When I met my friend, she was in a relationship.  She considered me a friend.  But I never saw her outside of work, unless there was a group of people.  There were no dinners, lunches, movies, or clubs by ourselves.

So maybe Tina could have just been getting interested in other men.  But no, it does not stop there.  Other examples would, as a person that used to be interested in acting, she saw no reason why a man, ok me, should have a problem if she got to do a movie like Monster’s Ball.  No boundaries.  She did not understand that you protect your relationship.  That you don’t enter into situations that put you in a bad position.  Example, girls only vacation in Las Vegas.  I don’t think I’m jealous, suspicious, or controlling when I point out that it’s called Sin City for a reason.  Why any married, engaged, or person in a LTR—male or female—needs to be there without their mate, I’ve never understood.  Statistics don’t lie, there’s a reason that the majority of cheating episodes occur during vacations anywhere, let alone Vegas.

I thought that this was just a small problem, due to me saying it, but thought a therapist could explain it better, and it’s a third party.  But no.  In our one pre-marital session the counselor told her hat, “you do realize a dinner with an ex-boyfriend is inappropriate behavior.  You do understand why how Joe would feel that way correct?” Tina just gave that quick head shake you see people give when they are agreeing with you, but they really don’t.

I could go on and on, but the point here is that in any relationship both parties do have to have boundaries in their behavior and actions.  Some things we do as single people are not appropriate for a serious relationship.  Tina did not always get this, and often reacted toward the notion as if she was being asked to hemmed in, controlled, or had no freedom.  I remember one talk in which she said, “I’ve always been a free spirit, or that’s how I feel about myself.”  I told her that, I understand that, but very often people say they’re free spirits as an excuse to be able to do whatever they want.

Hindsight is 20/20, and in hindsight it is not so hard to believe that the ex may have gotten into her head (and maybe headed other places, but I wont go there) because she was already primed to not keep a protective wall around our relationship.  I should have seen this, and not been so dismissive of its full possible impact.

 

 

 

 

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Do you know what is aggravating in this whole experience.  I mean, the whole thing is aggravating on many levels, but there are some things that people say that make as much sense to me as Obama’s spending plan. 

 

Here’s the run down.  I believe with all my heart and soul I am the best person for Tina to be with.  I do not think she will find a better match for herself.  It’s not they she won’t find someone else.  She can, and probably will.  Probably has, though I try not to think about that too much.  I just think that if she marries someone else she will not be as happy or joyful as she would be with me.  I believe this, not so much because I’m so great, though I am, but because we fit like a custom fitted glove or pair of shoes.  We just complement each other in a real good way.  The vibe we send off when together is picked up by others and that’s why I think we used to get random people telling us we are a great couple all the time.  And when I say all the time, I mean ALL the time, throughout our whole relationship.

 

But judging from the forums I have visited.  That’s arrogant of me to think, and feel, and say.  They all think, no this is the best decision for herself, and she will find someone better suited for her.  Excuse me???  Look put aside this notion of arrogance for a moment.  Why in the hell would I think there is someone better for her out there?  I mean who does that?  Is there anyone with an ounce of self-esteem that walks around thinking, “yeah, my girl can find someone that’s better or treats her better than me.”

 

I mean seriously????  What kind of thinking is that?  Truth be told under normal circumstances any break-up that is not because of abuse or cheating, there’s at least 50% chance the person is making a mistake by leaving.  When you throw in the same values, dreams, beliefs, connection with family, etc. the chances have to go up exponentially. 

 

It is annoying that I’m the arrogant one for believing I can give her the best life she can have, and that I can bring her more happiness than anyone else.  I mean if you don’t  believe that why in the hell are you with someone in the first place.

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