I have not posted in a while. There is not much to report. I don’t date, I work, or don’t work. I take each day as it comes, and try to get through it. I have gotten away from the intense pain. I have resigned myself to the fact that we will not be together, though the thought still pisses me off to the point of hitting my keyboard. I have gone through 4 in the last two years. I am bitter, and still angry even if I do not show it. And when, like tonight, I drink to much it creeps up in me. The hurt, the anger, the feeling of what the fuck was she thinking. Its weird, cause if I have few drinks I am fine. But there is a threshold, and when I hit it, all I want to do is hit shit and scream.
I have friends. Most of them are females, and they are trying their best to get me laid. Which is funny when you think about it, cause if it was that serious, wouldn’t they just screw me themselves? I mean really? Come on. It seems they cannot fathom a 100% male that could care less about sex, making love, or fucking. its not that I would turn it down. Would you turn down a free meal? But I do not pursue, and the word date sends chills up my spine. I was talking to a friend the other day, and she asked if I was gonna take this girl we know on a date, and 5 seconds after she said the words, she said, “I could just feel you cringe the moment I said that.” And she was right I did cringe. It sent a chill up my spine and not in a good way. what that means I have no clue. But I hope I have a problem and its just some stupidity in my mind, cause the alternative…that something that was supposed to happen didn’t drives me nuts.