I wake suddenly this morning and its like I’m back in the beginning. I feel utterly alone, angry, and impotent over what has happened. And it dawns on me. Love, whatever the hell that is and means, maybe I have felt it. But my proves I sure as hell have never had it. Love doesn’t quit. it doesn’t leave. Not without a fight.
She didn’t fight for me. I cant say anyone ever has. So much for me being a great guy. So great, so good, that I just get left. Now I understand why so many men don’t bother with doing what is nice, or good, or whatever you want to call it. What’s the fucking point? If they want you, they will stick around even if you smack them around all day. And if you’re the second coming, they will nail your ass to the cross just the same.
As much as I thought we had, what I know I did, its amazing to me that the guy before and after me are getting more than I did. I could die today, and it wouldn’t really make a difference to Tina. How’s that for getting what you deserve.
But that’s not what life is about I guess; getting what you deserve or what is fair. You get what you get, and unless you’re lucky, you get screwed. I’m not lucky. Never have been.
The Break-up Diaries 